Happy April! As is standard operating procedure these days, I have exactly zero news for you all, not even a note or two about a vaccine. This is all well and good, I think, because who would believe anything I say on April Fool's Day, anyway? You have to agree with me on the point, I think, because if you don't then it means you just proved my point... let's move on.
I consider April Fool's Day the most holy of minor holidays, but I don't celebrate in the traditional manner of pulling pranks. I don't have anything against pranks, I'm just not big into them. The only one I can remember came ten years ago today, when I wrote "April Fools" on the bottom of an empty munchkin box and left it next to the office refrigerator. I recall a couple of strangled cries echoing through the office during the morning, which was plenty of reward for me, but it was an otherwise forgettable day.
The real story is how I got the box. I did not plan ahead in any meaningful way for the prank, so on the fateful morning I made a stop at Dunkin' Donuts (it wasn't always called Dunkin', kids). I got to the front of the line and asked for an empty munchkin box, a request that generated so much confusion I soon found myself speaking with a second employee, then the manager. They simply didn't understand why I would want just the box. I was halfway into my third attempt at explaining the request when I realized that I should have just ordered the munchkins like any sane person, then removed the contents later to enable the prank. This is the problem with April Fool's Day - no matter what you say, no one believes you.
