reading review - i miss you when i blink

This collection, which I've seen described as "memoir-in-essay", was an easy read - almost a perfect fit for my esteemed "just before bedtime" category. I remember enjoying many of these short essays but I didn't note any specific chapters, suggesting that these didn't go much further than retelling a series of moments in the author's life, captured with humor and, perhaps unexpectedly for me, relatability. 

I Miss You When I Blink by Mary Laura Philpott (September 2019)

I related to this book - even as it explored foreign topics like perfectionism, parenting, or a total incomprehension about sports - because Philpott frames her experiences in broad terms, seemingly effortlessly, using general reference points that cut across a wide range of circumstances. In one section, for example, she notes that it's best to respect a "probationary period" with a new group, an idea that puts her specific story in a context that likely applies far beyond the details of her anecdote. This same theme is evident in how she describes the isolation of parenthood as losing out on small things - like being called your own name - or how small talk is problematic as soon as it replaces real talk; the details of time and place suggest we are all living vastly different lives from one another, but at the core we all share certain needs - to be seen, heard, and accepted - that form connections from one person to another, which can be explored in the manner we choose to tell our stories.

This is not to suggest that our differences don't matter at all - Philpott herself suggests taking time to think about the ways someone's life differs from ours. It's advice I see reflected in her observation about parenting - it's important to help children identify their own potential by observing their response to new experiences and encouraging them to continue their exploration, but this isn't possible for parents who see a child as an extension of themselves. It's also a good tactic in the moments after a revelation, as our first instinct may be to address our main concern - ask instead for clarification, an idea I agreed with because it reflects my belief that our selfishness, indulged at the expense of acknowledging or respecting our differences, does far more to drive us apart than the consequences of any single event. 

TOA Rating: Three blinks out of four.

My book notes - as mentioned above - were missing references to specific essays, but I did take the unusual step of writing down specific quotes, such as "it looks like the ass end of destruction in here" or "it's a front, but it preserves friendships". I'm not sure what the latter referred to, but I don't think it matters - we can all relate to the ways we give in to maintain the peace; thank you for reading.