I've always wondered why Spanish soccer announcers shout "GOOOOOL!", sometimes dragging their one syllable out until the game resumes a minute later. Surely, they have other thoughts about the goal? My pandemic habit of watching old highlight videos suggests a possible answer - I think it's because the alternative would be silly, flowery, or just plain stupid; "GOOOOOL" is the commentary equivalent of ordering the cheeseburger. Or maybe, they just know how to enjoy the game.
This video is full of examples that support my point. As I watched, I got the sense that English-speaking commentators must have some kind of disease that makes them afraid of being in the moment, opting instead to talk about other goals, overexaggerate what just happened, narrate a replay the network isn't showing, use an eye-rolling variant of commentary claimed by a different sport, or start wild rumors about the contents of Roberto Firmino's suitcase. And under what circumstances should anyone be allowed to use the phrase 'half-century'? It shouldn't be just seconds after fans started celebrating a GOOOOOL!
I feel like we are being denied, though I'm having a really hard time understanding the details thanks to all the unclear passive construction - are we being denied by the goalie? By the referee? By zombies? You know what I think, I think we are being denied by our commentators; it's time to take a lesson from the Spanish. Please, I beg, shelve those adverb-laden insistences that the goal was, absolutely, absolutely, yes ABSOLUTELY... a goal. I think this one has it right, at least for a second - just hold that sound, it's not that hard, and yell like an idiot; the rest of us are too busy doing it to hear anything else.
