The Empathy Exams is a wide-ranging collection, each essay exploring Jamison's definition for empathy - a fine line between gift and invasion.
The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison (April 2020)
I liked an idea Jamison returns to in various ways - empathy is more inquiry than imagination. It's echoed in another sentiment, that we should say - I can't even imagine - rather than a more common - that must be hard. At the core, I suspect the critical component of empathy is maintaining an open space, and nothing does more to accomplish this goal than a question asked out of genuine curiosity, consideration, and humility.
She adds elsewhere that empathy is in some ways the opposite of impulse, a choice made from attention to extend ourselves past a basic set of instincts. This additional layer helped me understand her point that social confidence is critical to developing and exercising empathy because in many ways our social norms are designed around a faster pace than is healthy for demonstrating empathy. A person who wishes to exercise empathy needs a certain level of confidence, even if it's to just slow the pace, so that important moments of vulnerability are not trampled by a set of conditioned beliefs about the speed with which to interact.
I was very impressed by the insight that offering someone a solution can be seen in a negative light if it replaces another person's ongoing effort. I think this speaks to a broader challenge of empathy in the way that there is always something else happening below the surface which we can only intuit by moving with great care and consideration. We shouldn't mistake people drawing strength from their pain as a signal that they are happy with it, and never wish things were different.
I think one specific idea in the book I didn't have much time for was a notion that one comment is rarely enough to repair years of a destructive refrain. I feel I understand where the idea is coming from but fear its discouraging effect on someone pondering whether to make a comment. If the words we use aren't enough to complete the job, that's OK, but we can still make a small contribution and build toward an eventual outcome. As Mos Def rapped in 'Mathematics':
Why did one straw break the camel's back?
Here's the secret:
The million other straws underneath it
It's all mathematics
Footnotes / endnotes
0. Who knows?
For some reason, this book prompted me to scribble a poem onto my bookmark:
It’s OK
I’m OK
I feel sad
I guess
I think it could survive as a review of this collection. One thing Jamison points out is that sometimes a wound can seem so obvious we forget that it's still our job to point it out, to say "look right here, that's what hurts". The poem is kind of like a progression, the first line a polite response to the innocent "everything OK?" because it seems rude to suggest someone asked a dumb question, and the remaining lines the process of understanding, accepting, and finally articulating the many realities of one moment.
0a. Admin...
Book notes are here, if you need them.
In terms of the 4-1-1, the "what I'm doing next" with this book, it's in the above endnote - remembering that for now victims still need to point to their pain, and that there is a cruel injustice in the fact.
