So… another year.
It’s always the same story right about this time – the holidays come around, I get a year older, and winter gets itself nice and comfortable in Boston. Dated calendars tumble amid visions of reinvention but in the bustle I never feel rushed. The frame of the year is convenient for a slow reflection and it’s no different for me. So, as always, around this time I always ask the same questions – how’d I do, and why?
By many important accounts, 2019 wasn’t too bad. I got up and mostly out of some ruts and this has indeed been a welcome change. Ruts in themselves are never a bad thing but in the pit I was losing touch with my sense of purpose. I’m finding my sense of direction again with my feet on firmer ground and I'm welcoming back my inner compass with open arms. I thought I did a good job of balancing old with new, lifestyle changes ensuring disrupted routines that could have left me in an entirely new hole. I felt I navigated these changes successfully by protecting my most valuable time while adapting decisively when a new direction was inevitable. I even bought some new clothes, and they pretty much fit. Yes, 2019 wasn’t too bad.
On the writing side, though, I’m not as sure. I have a basic framework in mind for TOA and for the most part measuring results along these lines implies a successful year. I wanted to have one post per day without overwhelming the internet with words and (I think) I did so while maintaining a reasonable day over day balance. I wanted to break up some of my routine writing, whether it be proper admin or reading reviews, and I did that while improving the overall organization of my ideas. I wanted a different approach for ‘Tales of Two Cities’ and I feel it moved in the right direction. Speaking generally, I’ve always wanted TOA to be something I used, and each time I referenced it in 2019 was evidence that I remained on course.
These are all important considerations but they are missing a vital angle – how and why? The above is all tangible – who, what, when, where – but as I noted in a recent newsletter, this line of reflection isn’t important to me. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that there is something really vulnerable about people defined by the tangible. They are the cogs in our wheels, spinning dutifully in place until they are worn away, their time grandfathered to keep larger clocks ticking. It’s a noble idea and at some point we all must serve as a cog for a greater good. But it’s dangerous too, terribly so, because if you spin all the time, the more you become your spin, and the more likely you are to lose the uniqueness at your core. The core becomes the thing that holds you in place and you spin and you spin until one day you realize anyone could take your spot.
Isn’t the way we do things more important than their results? Isn’t the reason we do things more important than what we do? I fear that we become replaceable when we define ourselves by what we do, and when, and where; you can’t replace the undefined. Hindsight and its 20-20 vision suggest that TOA drifted a little in 2019. Vision 2020 isn’t about getting back on track but rather reconsidering the track altogether. It’s about thinking clearly regarding the topics I post on TOA and asking myself the right questions. How do I read, and why? How do I think, and why? How do I live, and why?
The most relevant consideration is the most obvious – how do I write, and why? I’m afraid I lost sight of this a little bit in 2019 as tangible distractions forced these questions onto the back burner. Vision 2020 puts it firmly back in sight, how and why taking their rightful seats at the head of the front table. I hope that in a year’s time I have some answers. It should be interesting, and it might even be fun.
Thanks for reading this year, even if just a couple of words.
See you in 2020.
