Hello reader,
I started posting the TOA newsletter at the beginning of each month because I’d noticed that I was prone to go weeks at a time without providing any updates about my life. I’d thought that dedicating one post per month to the topic would be a sufficient reminder to keep you, dedicated reader, up to speed on my various comings and goings. What I realized earlier today was that the problem wasn’t so much my forgetting to share news, it was more like I simply never had any news to share at all. It’s kind of like that quiet friend of mine who was once asked – do you just think of things to say but don’t say them, or do you just never think of anything to say? For me, it wasn’t that I was forgetting to share my updates, it was more that I just never had anything important to share at all.
Finally, however, some real news. Most (all?) of my loyal readers know by now that I took a new job that starts on August 5 (pending successful completion of The Admin). It’s been a bizarre couple of weeks and I’m sure it will take another month or two before I’ve fully adjusted to my new lifestyle. For today, I wanted to highlight a few things that have been on my mind as I’ve gone through the various steps involved in the transition.
First, it’s finally happened – I’ve quit. I’m not referring to my just my old job here – I’m fairly certain that this is the first time I’ve quit anything. (Perhaps I should say ‘finally, it’s first happened.’) Historically, my involvement in anything ended when the commitment itself has ended. This applies not just to work but also to other less official concepts like books, large pizzas, or social events. I’ve noticed that I have a hard time stopping when things seem to be in progress. In general, I suppose I just have a hard time with endings – a fact happily supported by my first drafts – or perhaps I’m simply reluctant to prematurely impose the inevitable. I consider my loyalty and commitment among my greatest strengths but I am aware that great qualities without limits are wasted. Look for me to quit a book or two – at least! – in the next few months as I start exercising this new Quitting Muscle (1).
The new job also represents the first time I can remember getting something I really wanted. This isn’t to imply any dissatisfaction with my life or accomplishments thus far and it certainly isn’t a suggestion that I’ve forgotten how lucky I am to have the freedom and means to write these pointless newsletters each month. What I’m getting at here is a little different. I’ve thought back to my past successes, achievements, and awards and noticed an underlying thread of recognition in each – something I’d done or demonstrated in the past opened a door for me and it was my choice whether or not to step over the threshold. The difference with this job was that although the thread of recognition remains evident – a job always has a list of qualifications – I didn’t get this job merely for being qualified. In fact, I’m sure there were several other equally or more qualified candidates in a certain technical sense. I think I got this job because it mattered that I really wanted it (or at the very least, I wouldn’t have gotten this job if I hadn’t really wanted it). Perhaps a better way to put it is that I got something because I wanted it and I’m intrigued by how this experience will affect me in the coming months and years.
My final thought has been about confidence. The process leading up to this job was a combination of many challenging things but at its core was one critical idea – I needed to believe in how good I was despite being told hundreds of times over the past four years that I wasn’t any good. At certain moments along the way, I even considered the possibility that I was mistaken. Confidence played an indispensable and visible role throughout these years but what I gradually learned was how its importance for me differed from what I perceive as its common definition.
I sense many people regard confidence as another ingredient in the recipe for success, a quality that increases the likelihood of good results in direct proportion to its availability. In other words, the common perception is that confident people are more likely to succeed because of their confidence. I like that idea to an extent but something about it feels incomplete to me. It sounds a lot like the poker players who assume they have the best hands despite never looking at their cards. I’m sure their confidence might help them win a few hands but to me these players are sure to go bust as soon as someone puts a serious question to them.
I think confidence is more nuanced than willful blindness to the possibility of negative results. Confidence means understanding the full range of outcomes, good and bad, that lie within the horizons of our strengths, interests, and commitments. Confidence means accepting that although we can mitigate risk to a certain extent and should increase our odds of success whenever possible, our limitations mean bad outcomes are inevitable. Confidence means accepting that bad outcomes often have little to do with our capabilities. Confidence means ensuring negative results don’t shake our foundations so badly that we become unable to go for the gold next time.
In a certain sense, this is all there is to life. We slog from one day to the next, taking cover all the while from the constant bombardment of negativity, shame, and reduction that rains down upon us from all directions. The roof rattles and the walls wobble and the quaking ground challenges our belief, the belief required to take one more step forward on the path. The battering makes us replay all the greatest hits in our minds – I can’t make myself a better person, nobody believes in my abilities, the world is only getting worse.
It’s confidence that puts us back on the path, and I’m not referring to the kind of confidence we’re told about that says Positive Thinking ensures every tomorrow will be a nice sunny stroll down Easy Street. I’m talking about the kind of confidence that comes from not just knowing how good you are but also from understanding your limitations. It’s our limits that always constrain us but without constraints there can be no path. Without constraints, there is no outlet for our strengths. Without constraints, there are no boundaries to harness all of our positive energy. It’s our constraints that set the path for our strengths and define both the limits and possibilities of what we can achieve. I’ve learned that from this understanding of our constrains grows the confidence needed to step back out on the path again no matter how many times life has forced us to take cover from its trials, miseries, and disappointments.
Footnotes / business bro philosophy
1. My verdict: no
Of course, the question of whether a person can truly quit when another job is secured sounds like an entirely different matter. Is it really quitting when the alternative is a clear improvement? I’ll leave that philosophical matter to the Business Bro.
