Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou (February 2019)
As I’ve done annually for some reason I’ve long forgotten, I ushered in a new year by reading one of Maya Angelou’s autobiographies. This year’s selection was Mom and Me and Mom, a book written entirely about her relationship with her mother (1).
There are certain obvious insights that emerged from this book – my first note is simply ‘love heals and liberates’. I also thought the comment that the isolated need reminders that they exist - and that their lives matter - was a fitting thought in this book because I believe people who have strong relationships with their mothers never suffer from isolation.
The remaining comments I noted from this book are less directly related to mothers (though I think it’s a fair assumption that they are included in the book because Angelou learned these lessons from her mother). The definition of generosity – giving others a kind word, a vote of confidence, or just helping them smile – is one such example. I also liked the reminders about the importance of clear communication – the only way to ever be sure is to ask, for one, or that in some ambiguous moments it’s important to clarify that there might be neither right or wrong.
The last note I took down is the kind of thought that spurred on my own thinking about a topic – people get taken advantage of when they think they can get something for nothing. I understand the basic application of the concept and agree about the importance of knowing what is ‘too good to be true’. However, I do think it’s valuable to have a certain willingness to be taken advantage of from time to time by remaining open to the possibility of giving something and receiving nothing in return. I mention this not just because I think it’s difficult to achieve anything great without taking calculated risks but also because it speaks to a certain reality about parenting in particular and building strong relationships in general – at some point, we’re going to be let down, but that possibility is no excuse for withholding the best of our generosity, effort, or love.
Footnotes
1. How do good traditions end?
I suspect that every year I’ve written the same thing about Angelou’s autobiographies – I love the writing but find less to note in comparison to my other reading. Those exasperated by my threadbare responses to her work will surely be delighted to learn that Mom and Me and Mom was the last of her autobiographies.
So, what next for my annual tradition? I took a look through her work and decided that next year I’ll give an essay collection a try. Ideally, I’ll find more of the direct insight and wisdom that tends to catch my eye while reading without losing the joy of Angelou’s writing style.
I suppose in some ways Mom and Me and Mom was essentially an essay collection. Its focus on one specific theme from her life, the nonlinear presentation of the chapters, and a refusal to link ideas by their relationship within narrative are all hallmarks of a collection rather than an autobiography. I don’t pretend that one way or the other makes for better reading but longtime TOA readers will surely agree that my preference is for the latter.
