Hi,
Welcome back for part two of my closer examination into my daily reminders, a list of thoughts I review each morning in preparation for the rest of the day.
Feedback is about what you did, not who you are; listen to verbs, ignore nouns
I think feedback is the most important skill that goes uncultivated in school. Therefore, I recognize that I must work on it myself and I take this responsibility very seriously.
The first part of this reminder reflects how people have responded better to my feedback when it doesn’t challenge their identity or self-worth. Instead, I focus on actions and suggest ways to do something differently in the future. The second part is a reminder that I should accept feedback using the same principles with which I give feedback.
Isolate feedback
I don’t mix messages in feedback – it’s all positive or all negative. I do this because I’ve noticed that people do not hear both types of feedback at the same time. What they do instead is pick one or the other based on factors I cannot predict. If I have conflicting messages to deliver, I resolve the conflict by delivering the messages separately.
Prove yourself wrong
This reminds me that what I think first is rarely correct and that I should present feedback in a factual way that can be easily refuted. Broadly speaking, it means that I should be routinely seeking ways to disprove rather than confirm my theories, hunches, or intuitions.
One problem means one solution
I’ve learned that most people learn best when they are given one thing to work on at a time. That doesn’t mean I always think of just one thing to focus on in feedback but it does mean I should have a very good reason if I present more than one thing. It might feel good to point out multiple intelligent observations at once but the result is usually just needless complexity for what should be a simple self-improvement idea.
I’ve also used this idea lately with my work emails – one question limit per email – and I’ve found this method has led to much improved results.
No one cares - coach your team
I consider my life’s work as anything I can do to coach others and help them improve. This line reminds me that the single biggest threat to good coaching is self-pity – show me a complaining coach and I’ll show you a losing coach. Coaching means leadership that results in steady, incremental, and relentless improvement. A complaining coach always halts this progression.
Work 45 to 75, rest 10 to 30
This is a tactical counterpart to the previous line. I work well in blocks of 45 to 75 minutes that are followed by 10 to 30 minutes of rest. If I set and protect that rhythm in my work, I can go from dawn to dusk without letup.
