I’ve noticed a strange behavior lately. It happens sometimes when I’m asked for directions. I’ll start listing the steps to get somewhere – go to the light, take a left, drive two blocks to the CVS, that sort of thing, reader – but before I’m finished, the other person has already taken off!
What’s the use of knowing how to get halfway? Beats me. The most popular navigation and GPS tools link the user from starting point to destination. Whenever I create a set of directions for myself on Googlemaps, I make sure I can get all the way to where I’m going. Each time someone walks away from me when I'm only halfway through my directions, I'm left wondering if there is any hope for the future of the world.
There is no set routine for these people but there are occasional warning signs. One thing that happens is The Slow Nod. The person I’m giving the directions to will first start nodding slightly, then with more force. By the time my directions are wrapping up, the person is long gone, head bobbing away as if the force of the nodding movement was what was propelling the legs forward.
Another trick is The Drive-By. Here’s how to do it: ask someone where to go without breaking stride. The most recent time someone asked for directions, they used this move on me. Perhaps influenced by suggestion, I initially pointed in the same direction he was walking. But I quickly realized this was wrong – Chinatown was in the opposite direction. By the time I’d opened my mouth again to revise my directions, he was gone, never to reach the promised land of milk tea and fried dumplings.
One of these days, I’ll follow someone after I give out directions. Nothing creepy here, reader, I just want to see what happens next. I’m expecting to see the logical thing: the person will ask someone else for the half-set of directions that I was in the process of delivering! At this point, I might confront the person about this haphazard way to travel.
Who knows what might happen? I suppose the most likely outcome is that I'll be told to get lost. That would make sense - it's the only thing these people know anything about.
