leftovers... the arognauts (marshmallow index rant)

Moya, MOYA, just the man, sit, Moya, sit and have a whiskey, Moya, I have a game for you, watch this, now sit, here, sit, and look, look here, at this whiskey, Moya, I have a game for you, you can have this whiskey, for free, right now, if you’d like, drink up Moya, up, up, drink, but if you sit and stare at this whiskey for fifteen minutes, this is the game Moya, sit and stare, in fifteen minutes I’ll buy you another, two whiskeys, Moya, if you can wait fifteen minutes, and if you do this, Moya, I know you’ll pass the SAT II in European History, because the SAT II requires willpower, and this whiskey test requires willpower, and if you pass it now, you obviously have willpower, the beauty of it Moya, the lab is life, no, sometimes I wonder, just remember to sober up first, Moya, two whiskeys, but sometimes I wonder, no not now, in fifteen minutes, were you listening, Moya, to the game, anyway sometimes I wonder, I wonder what it’s like to study for decades, test after test, just to get a degree, and a degree, and three degrees, and you come up with a test like this, a ridiculous test, proof of nothing, proof of proof, ninety proof, marshmallow proof, it’s all fluff, I say, I thought of it today while reading about The Marshmallow Experiment, what a wonderful thing, Moya, this test, a modern-day torture technique, child abuse by the well-dressed academic, they torture these five-year olds, these five-year olds were removed, were taken, from recess and playtime and normal psychological development, placed by these academics in rooms, intimidating rooms, with cold metal furniture and even colder expressions, told to make eye contact with a jet-puffed marshmallow, look at the whiskey Moya, look at it, right in front of you, just like the kids and the marshmallows, look at it, placed directly in front of them, the kids told to eat, eat up, anytime they wished, eat the marshmallow if they so wished, consequence free, and they were probably starving kids Moya, kids are always hungry, right, and if they lasted fifteen minutes, if they sat for fifteen minutes, an eternity, without eating, without touching the marshmallow, they would be rewarded with a second marshmallow, which they could eat, ridiculous, Moya, sit through an eternity for a marshmallow, and this test is supposed to demonstrate willpower, supposed to prove willpower, when all it proves is materialism, it must be taught, taught at age five, if you wait you get double the goods, you learn this as a kid now, and diabetes, you get that too, with your marshmallow, and the researchers scribble this data down, and look at it, and years later, look at it again, after these same kids were tortured again, by Napoleons and dynamite, the SAT II, European history, sit still and study, kids, sit Moya, study the mistakes of tomorrow, today, Europe never changes, Moya, and so it is for these kids, they never change, look at the whiskey Moya, look at it, good, wait another minute more and I’ll buy you another, how will you pass the test, you must sit still, Moya, if you can’t sit still and look at a still whiskey, Moya, sit, use your special skill, your willpower, win at life for once, you drunk, you fool, no willpower, some have it from age five, apparently, ask your local academics, they know it, they know it, a kid who can say no to a marshmallow, it’s willpower, like a muscle, never mind the kid who might be poor or hungry, never mind the kid’s relationship with food, never mind the kids who only know having marshmallows taken away, a life of the empty fridge, a life of being told no, being told the family no longer qualifies, the empty fridge doesn’t qualify them for assistance, so better eat now, kid, before it gets taken away, never mind that kid, Moya, every call is last call, he’s five and knows more than you Moya, see here, up it goes, Moya, you should have drank it while you had it, drink up next time, Moya, unless you want to look at this empty glass, oh sit, sit back down, Moya, don’t worry, don’t be a child, Moya, you’re in the control group, he’s in the control group, oh fine, off you go, run another study, never mind that a kid without time to wait for a marshmallow probably can’t wait to study, either, or wait for a whiskey, because they can’t be late for the after-school work shift, come back, Moya, come sit and stare, Moya, show your willpower, some proof indeed, just a second more, Moya, and I’ll buy you two more…