I recently chatted with a friend about a phenomenon (‘phenomenon’) we’ve noticed – some people seem to get interrupted far more often than others. My friend described this ability as being able to ‘control a pause’. I thought it was a great expression. Those who are really good at ‘controlling a pause’ can essentially come to a complete stop while speaking, daring a listener to jump in all the while, before resuming speaking after an indefinite silence. On the other hand, those who lack this ability can’t seem to string together three hastily blurted syllables without being cut off by a listener.
The varying degrees to which people have this skill mean there are a lot of tricks out there for those who need a little help ‘controlling a pause’. The most frequent way I see amateurs ‘control a pause’ is by using any of the expressions I’ve included in the title of this post. Strung together, they almost form a coherent sentence!
These little words and expressions seem to serve several important functions. First, they communicate to the listener that if there were no need for an interruption the speaker would really prefer to barrel on to the next point uninterrupted. Second, they act as a disclaimer of sorts by flagging a particular thought or comment as ‘in progress’ or ‘under construction’. Most importantly, these words help strike the right balance in a conversation. They acknowledge the problem of the interruption while grudgingly admitting its necessity by making it possible for someone to interrupt if they absolutely must. A sentence littered with filler like (!) 'I mean' or 'you know' allows a speaker who is not quite able to command a pause the opportunity to articulate a complex point while simultaneously allowing someone who isn’t comfortable interrupting the opportunity to ask for clarification or make a counter-point.
It’s strange to me that these ‘verbal tics’ are sometimes dismissed – I think these little expressions are among the most valuable words in our language. What other words simultaneously empower speakers to fully articulate themselves while also engaging listeners as active participants in a conversation… right?
