1. I've always liked clever quotes.
This does not always apply to fortune cookies but I think the hit rate has been high enough historically for me not to care too much.
2. I've always liked finding hidden things.
Again, I know where the fortune is (editor's note: inside the cookie) but sometimes my brain stops working after eating seventeen Peking raviolis in one sitting, making it seem like I discovered it. (Of course, I'm not sure why I remember to break the cookie open first if I do indeed suffer temporary amnesia in these moments but...well...these mysteries make life more fun, do they not, forgetful reader?)
3. I've always enjoyed reminders of home.
I learned recently that these originated in 19th century Kyoto-
(3a...'home' being used loosely here...)
-and this Kyoto thing was an unexpected revelation but, upon reflection, makes sense because something as ridiculous as a fortune cookie could only originate in Japan.
But as much as I delight in the clever witticisms or optimistic predictions printed on these little slips of paper, I must acknowledge an important fact: most fortunes suck.
Here's an example:
'Good health will be yours for a long time.'
What the hell? I just ate a bucket of fried cream cheese and sucked down a carton of grease seasoned with noodles and beef. Good health, my foot - I'm lucky I've lived long enough to get to dessert!
The lack of self-awareness oozing out of the above 'fortune' made me want to Take Immediate Action. But of course, I didn't actually do anything, perhaps due to the
For now, I've settled on the least physically challenging response possible: every once in a while, I'll come on here and give a quick breakdown of a recent fortune. Not very frequently, mind - contrary to what this post implies, I don't eat Chinese food all too often - but I need something to replace the 'Hello Ladies' updates around these parts and this seems like it will do nicely for a few posts per year.
How will it work? I think I'll dust off an old trick here - for each fortune, I'll try to decide if it is True, False, or Racist. Now, maybe this format seems petulant on the surface. But it's hard to read some of these - even if I do enjoy them in the aggregate - without being reminded of the 'Confucius Say' undercurrent in many of these messages. I mean, have a look at this example (1).
So, keep an eye out for these breakdowns in the future. And in the meantime, heed the lesson from a favorite fortune I've kept tucked into my wallet over the past few years:
'Happiness is often a rebound from hard work.'
Footnotes / oh come on, not everything is racist...
1. But sir, don't you think this is just a typo?
I do, actually. So to extend this example a little further out to the True-False-Racist concept, I would conclude this fortune was...FALSE!
That's the point of the game - not everything I run through the TFR algorithm comes out as racist, folks.
But seriously, folks, as it regards 'Confucius Say', I'm not going to sit here and laugh it off. It is immaterial to me that some untalented comedians back in the day fooled the white world into believing making fun of pidgin English was the highest form of humor and I don't see much need to carry on the tradition any further.
