The Gifts of Imperfection invoked a simple but critical idea I recalled from Daring Greatly: guilt is about what you did, shame is about who you are. I remember taking this idea and running with it to form my own philosophy about giving and responding to feedback: use verbs, ignore nouns.
Someone calls you a jerk? Tell them to buzz off- you don't have time for fake news. (1)
The same person says you were being a jerk? Better straighten up and listen, kid, because most people are right when they say something like this.
Nouns and verbs come in handy for team building concepts as well. A team member who thinks in nouns is dangerous. These people will fit into the group at all costs, including sacrificing their originality. When originality leaves the building, creativity is calling a cab. (Cabs are old-school Ubers, kids.)
Encourage team members to think in verbs instead. Verbs are action-oriented and encourage growth without forcing conformity or posturing. If someone verb-oriented screws up, it won’t happen again because actions are correctible. Get a noun-oriented person to make a mistake and it confirms their identify as a bad employee.
A leader must forget blame or anger. Instead, be kinder and firmer. Create accountability by explaining what will happen as a result of unacceptable behavior and make sure to follow through on your word. A work environment of healthy compassion means people accept others for who they are while simultaneously holding each other accountable for what they do.
Until next time,
The Business Bro
Footnotes / imagined complaints
1. But what if the other person is right, jerk?
Well, you should have even less time for old news.
