i read the four agreements so you don't have to

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz (June 2017)

This book is about the belief systems people use to limit themselves and fall short of reaching their potential. Often, the result is a life lacking in joy, freedom, or love. Ruiz draws on Toltec influences to lay out the four agreements he requires of anyone trying to reverse these belief systems. The book's aim is to point the way for those struggling to be themselves in a modern world whose pressures work against keeping these four agreements.

The four agreements are straightforward:

1) Be impeccable with your word
2) Don't take anything personally
3) Don't make assumptions
4) Always do your best

Of the four, I think the third one is the most important. In fact, in some ways the third agreement is a prerequisite for the other three. When I reflected on this list, it occurred to me how successfully living by the other three agreements requires a basic refusal to make assumptions.

People who do not make assumptions cannot help but be impeccable with their word. They do not fear asking for clarification and speak based on what they know is true.

Those who take things personally are assuming another's intentions. It is not enough to be hurt once. By assuming they were targeted, these people continue to suffer through an abusive inner dialogue.

Finally, failing to do your best is acceptable under the assumptions imposed by outside metrics. Instead of challenging from within and striving to reach your own potential, you settle for simply pleasing others and filling the roles, positions, or demands they have outlined for you.

Of course, my thought does not mean the third agreement is the one to follow first. It does not elevate the third agreement above the others. It is merely the one linking the others more effectively than any of its counterparts.

Considered together, the four agreements form a blueprint for a pattern of self-transformation. Those who agree to these principles will no longer respond to the rewards-and-punishments structure imposed on many from a young age. Instead of living a domesticated life aimed at pleasing those in their families, organizations, or societies, those who accept the four agreements will learn to live freely and truthfully to the demands placed on them from within.