Welcome to 'proper admin', my bi-monthly cleanup of everything I can't quite work into its own post.
Blog Admin- (Still) Winter 2017
The usual list of administrative details:
1. Email subscriptions ('subscriptions') officially exceeded page views in April. I don't know if that has any deeper meaning- but thank you all for signing up!
2. The two-month trial of 'News and Notes' will end around June 1st. I just did not get around to updating it often enough to justify its position. For now, I am moving the section to the bottom of the main page.
2a. Starting in June, I might try a monthly 'state of the blog' newsletter. Who knows? I've always liked newsletters. As the idea currently stands in my head, it would be a short off-schedule post (so not on Wed/Fri/Sun). In terms of content, it would combine (read: replace) the 'News and Notes' and this section.
3. Other construction news: I'm currently considering a 'random post' button, a blog-only search feature, and a section to highlight old posts. Get in touch if you have suggestions or recommendations!
4. I am going to skip June's 'Talking Shits' post. Starting in late July or early August, this feature is going to a bi-monthly schedule. The reason is simple- collecting quotes is much easier than arranging them. This change effectively cuts my work in half for what I think will be similar results.
5. I'm separating the usual 'post summaries' in these 'Proper Admins' into its own post. Again, a simple reason- the little entries and observations I accumulate over two month periods grew to the point where I needed to let them sit in their own post. I'll put the post summaries up as a 'leftover' post in the second week of June.
The word from the peanut gallery...
'How did true on average email me this morning at 646am???''I may live in the 20th century but TOA runs on advanced technology. This appears to confuse folks. On average, that makes me a smartphone-wielding modern man of sorts...
'This book reminds me of your blog...'Seems like the cause and effect got mixed up there...in any event, I'm honored (and a proper author is insulted).
'Day 1 big fan.'The TOA readership is growing...it is possible that next month I will boast of having TENS of readers...
OK, what's happening?
According to a recent episode of More Or Less, squirrels chewing through power lines pose a greater threat to the electric grid than a terror attack involving an EMP.
Hubway is back!
The bikes returned to Boston far earlier than last year. Let's...credit...global warming?
Introducing the 'Hello Ladies Index' for 2017
In honor of my 'Hello Ladies' post, I am starting a temporary feature to keep track of my progress toward the '50/50' goal. As I mentioned in the original post, things got off to a solid start but I stumbled badly in the latter winter months.
Here is where things stand, by month.
January: 4 male authors / 6 female authors
February: 9 / 1
March: 9 / 0
April: 2 / 2
I'm tracking authors, not books- so poor George Saunders will have to make do with one mention, not eight.
2017 to-date: 15 / 8
What? I know I'm full of it...
One of my goals for the coming year is to pick up some new long sleeve t-shirts. (This is a less interesting story than usual. I've worked out for the past seven years or so in old t-shirts, most of which are starting to wear out, so I'm moving some of my regular t-shirts into the workout pile. The resulting gap in my wardrobe ('wardrobe') is slowly filling back up with long sleeve t-shirts.)
A perfect opportunity arose at the end of February- MGH offered a free long sleeve t-shirt to blood donors. Great! I went over, got poked with a needle, and now I have a useful navy t-shirt. They also had unlimited Fig Newtons, a food ('food') I literally have never purchased but was more than happy to eat a handful of. I felt well compensated for my exertions.
I remain amused by the fear of paying blood donors. It appears like one of those 'just because' things- the best explanation against it is apparently so self-evident that many opt against explaining their position. My guess is the policy came into effect when the process of extracting blood was dangerous. All I hear from the blood donor center is how much they need it (though what else would these bloodthirsty (!) folks say?) and all I know about markets is that offering money for something tends to increase the odds of getting it...so...
Stop begging for money.
One last note- apparently, 'Fig Newtons' are now just 'Newtons'.
What?
It's a slow news month.
TOA presents Calculus 101: Chuck Klosterman = a small pile of high-end candy
The George Saunders author reading I attended in February was hosted by the Harvard Book Store. This was a ticketed event (unlike most events where people wander in off the street and scramble for seats in the back of the bookstore). Each ticket for the off-site event cost $5 but in return for the ticket the bookstore gave attendees a $5 in-store voucher. You do the math...
The Chuck Klosterman event I attended last summer had the exact same structure- $5 dollars returned a ticket and a voucher for the same amount. He made a joke during his appearance about getting nervous before 'ticketed' events because he must now at least return the same value as the ticket price. If the price was $5, he said, it meant he must 'be better than a pile of candy'. Klosterman's teeth did not appear to be rotting away from where I sat (but I did sit way in the back).
What Klosterman did not know is that the Harvard Book Store DOES sell candy. Unfortunately, it seems only to come in the form of high-end dark chocolate (read: crunchy/stale/rock-hard Hershey bars in colorful wrapping). I guess independent bookstores do that sort of thing. Poor Chuck- at the minimum, he is as good as a small pile of overpriced candy.
Finally, I see the point of Boston Calling...
Boston Calling, the area's music festival ('festival'), is back at the end of May. It's being moved from City Hall Plaza to Harvard's athletic complex (which until now I thought was a mental thing). The venue change means I will need to cook up a new excuse for not going (up until last year: "City Hall Plaza's layout makes me feel like I'm about to get assassinated").
The Red Line usually posts advertisements for the festival several months in advance. The headliners are at the top in large print and the other performers are listed in order of prestige below them. As the list goes on, the print gets smaller, perhaps to emphasize the diminishing popularity of each performer.
I realized last month that the design of these signs are perfectly suited for unofficial vision tests. Just stand about twenty feet away and see how many acts you can read.
Moments later, I realized my vision had deteriorated since my last eye exam- I got to about row three. Time for new contacts, I guess.
Spring is...well, spring is stuck in traffic...
A sure sign of impending spring is when the pond in the Public Garden is drained. I think the idea is to clear out all the accumulated trash and brush from the pond before the swan boats are launched. The process turns the pond into a giant muddy puddle for about three weeks. Every year, dog owners mark the occasion by acting surprised when their pets jump into this mess, start flopping around, and, upon returning to solid ground, shake their muddy selves dry all over passing tourists.
It's strange to me how the transition of winter to spring is so sudden. The other seasonal transitions seem more gradual in comparison. With spring it appears to happen overnight. I wonder if this is one reason why people like spring so much- it's like getting a perfect surprise gift.
I got published!
Well, sort of.
The Men In Blazers is a soccer podcast hosted by two hilarious English guys. They also release a weekly newsletter called 'The Raven' that is filled with irrelevant soccer crap. In fact, their constant referencing of their own material as 'crap' is a feature I've borrowed liberally here at TOA. Thanks, guys.
In a recent newsletter, they asked readers to submit fake yearbook quotes about soccer. I believe the theme was words of wisdom for new fans of the game.
I went with a classic- "Away goals count double"- and it got included in a later edition of the newsletter. What a moment!
The quote itself is a reference to a lazy description of the first tiebreaker used in knockout cup competitions- if the two-game series ends in a tie on total goals, the team who scored more goals as the away team advances. So, in the event of a tie, away goals sort of count double- the math is off but the appropriate team is declared the winner by the tiebreaker. For some reason, the lazy explanation took hold and confused fans everywhere.
Sports seems to produce a lot of these lazy little truisms. A good one is that 'Americans like scoring'- that one fails each time a football team kicks a field goal. Michael Lewis's Moneyball was an entire book about how one baseball team took advantage of such ideas- that a baseball player has a certain 'look', that RBIs and batting average are strong measures of batting performance, etc- to build a winning team on the cheap.
For me, the most valuable thing about following various sports closely is the moment when I realize that these little accepted examples of conventional wisdom are wrong. It's proven a useful starting point to break down similar BS in other fields- that a strong job candidate has a certain 'look', that certain traditional metrics are the best measures of a successful person, etc. Eventually, thinking clearly about assumptions becomes an unbreakable habit.
Lieutenant Dan...ICE CREAM!!!
Last summer, I published a list of foodie-type recommendations. If I were to do a similar list this year (which I will not) an early front-runner is the Salted Crack Caramel ice cream at the Ample Hills Creamery in New York City. I ended up there by accident on a Sunday afternoon and immediately noticed the huge line snaking its way out the door.
I've always believed in standing in at least one line while out of town. Surely, the long line indicates high quality. My decision was vindicated by the best ice cream I've had in quite some time. I think they have multiple locations in the city so check it out if you are ever in or around the Big Apple.
This idea seems so obvious it must already exist...
An apartment realtor who included a mover in the broker's fee would surely gain a major edge on those who did not (which, currently, is everyone)?
Maybe a Sweet Sixteen for me this time next year?
Around this time last year, I finally admitted that my feet hurt an awful lot while running. I did some snooping around The Old Interwebs and diagnosed myself with 'Morton's Neuroma', a pinched-toes type of condition that apparently afflicts women who wear high-heels too often. So, uh, so that was fun to learn...
On that day, I was still wearing size twelve running sneakers. I responded to my research findings by upping the same brand to size thirteen. That worked for a short while but I still sensed room for improvement (though in the case of sneakers, this means I felt no room). My next shoe came from Altra Running, a new brand I found that boasted of a 'larger toe box' which would afford my toes a more natural experience during running (which I wrote about here).
The Altra size thirteen shoes were a minor improvement. But I was still having a little trouble with my feet. So, I recently went for the gold and bought a size fourteen sneaker, again from Altra, capping off a series of purchases that still strikes me as ridiculous. It's a little over-cushioned and perhaps I'll switch to a new brand for next time. But I think the size is right.
The more important question has less to do with sole than soul- in how many other ways am I unknowingly restraining my full potential? Maybe I will write about those a year from now.
How's the job hunt going?
If I can't find a job in the next ten years, I think I am going to run for mayor. I have some experience- I played a lot of SimCity2000 as a kid. Back then, my insistence on building cricket stadiums usually doomed my city's finances. I'm smarter now- I understand this is a baseball town.
It's never too early to prepare for a mayoral bid. Here are my first three campaign promises, each of which I intend to break as soon as I take office:
1. Major crackdown on cyclists running red lights
I think by 2027 computers and such will have progressed to where smart ('smaht') intersections can closely police trivial traffic violations. I'll start by implementing a new system called 'Big Bother' where any cyclist who runs a red light is immediately given a $50 ticket.
We'll borrow phrasing from soccer's rules for this one- all of the bike must cross all of the stop line. With the increased revenue, I'll buy everyone a helmet.
2. Close Newbury Street to automobile traffic
This one actually happens once a year already. I'll just make it a permanent feature. Who needs all those cars on Newbury? Not this mayor. Take the T, ride the Hubway, or (maybe) get dropped off in an automated Uber.
Converting the street into a six-block walking plaza would be a huge boost for the city's coolness. Food trucks could park there on weekends and a Denver-style central trolley line could be added to zip shoppers up and down the street. A stage or two for tunes? The possibilities are endless.
And I think the businesses there would do better, though I have yet to crunch the numbers. If it turns out not to be the case, I'll just cook up a nice-sounding slogan instead- 'Read my lips: no more cars' or 'Make Newbury Street great again' or whatever is hot at the time to push this one through.
3. No running in Boston on Marathon Monday
Unless you are in the Boston Marathon, duh. This is a hard-ass stance, no doubt, but its a classic negotiation strategy- bid high, then 'concede' and settle for a lesser agreement (I read about it in a business book). I'm thinking I would settle for no running within one mile of the marathon course with the Charles River Esplanade as an 'exception zone'.
Why bother with such heavy handed legislation? Marathon Monday is a great day for the city and anyone who loves Boston should support their fellow runners. So, no need for any showboats to take the spotlight away. Unless you are chasing after those Kenyans, go jog in Cambridge.
This is getting out of hand...wait, is that Moya? I thought- I hoped- he went home...
"Sit, Moya, sit, have another drink...my landlord just called, Moya, or my building manager, really, a manger, all he manages to do is bungle up the simplest things, Moya, never give your phone number to the landlord, all he does is call with bad news, never 'oh, how are you, good news, the rent is going down, effective two months ago' or 'everyone is getting a hot tub, where would you like yours' or even just 'thank you for being a good tenant', always negative, always 'we had to change the locks because of some crazy stalker' or 'hey, its going to be noisy for the rest of your lease because the jackhammer olympics are coming to our block' or 'sorry, no hot water tomorrow', it's ridiculous, Moya, ridiculous, 2017 and no hot water, you would think we lived in an igloo, imagine that, a building manager for an igloo, global warming and the water is cold, never give a landlord your number, all he'll call with is bad news, you get a call from him when you are out and you think 'what could it be' and run through every possible negative thing in your head, and you want to check the voicemail or call back but you don't want to be rude so you sit and smile and worry, worry that the apartment collapsed or you forgot to turn off the stove or a skunk is loose in the walls, and then you call back and he says 'bad news, no hot water' and you say 'oh wow, I knew that already, it runs out every time I shower' and you realize, you are a sucker, Moya, a sucker, we are suckers, paying rent in the most expensive neighborhood in world history, Moya, history sucking our wallets dry, did you know that, you learn all this stuff in school but they never point out, here, we are making history, we are the richest place ever to exist, and I can't even take a warm shower tomorrow..."
Did you leave the apartment at all?
A friend of mine recently moved to Brookline. As a result, I've started to spend some time out there. It reminds me a little bit of Cambridge, only wealthier.
Or maybe just 'wealthy'.
This early impression would imply that folks in Brookline possess an inherent talent with money. My last Brookline trip of April, though, provided compelling evidence against this idea.
I was sitting at a bar with said friend when someone came up beside us and asked the bartender for change. He needed a quarter, for some reason I could not fathom, since everything in Brookline costs at least ten bucks, including Bud Light.
He offered a dollar bill to make the exchange. The bartender checked the register but said she only had three quarters.
"That's OK- I'll give you the dollar."
The bartender mulled over the offer. Three quarters for a dollar? A discussion ensued with another staff member.
She returned with the verdict: no deal!
"We can't give away our last quarters."
I almost fell off my barstool.
Can we wrap this up? I'm tired. Anything else?
I went to my first art gallery opening at the end of April. It was kind of an unplanned thing but, given my recent trips to look at art in museums and such, the experience was probably a long time coming.
The gallery, as I assume all are, was much smaller than a room in a typical art museum. A lazy 360-degree turn and I had seen it all. This forced me to take extra time to look at each painting (or leave after two revolutions). Perhaps as a result, I ended up thinking a little more about how I view art than I normally do in museums.
One thing I realized I enjoy is how artwork invites me to see what the artist notices. It works a little bit like reading in this way. Writers describe what they see and the reader is invited to notice- so it is with artists and their work.
But I did note a difference in approach. A writer works a little bit like a tour guide. The reader gets a sense of places unseen through the description provided. But the writer must find the right rooms and open each door as it comes.
Artists work more like custodians. They unlock as many doors as they can. After that, they leave it to the viewer to turn the knob and step into the room.
Thanks again for reading over these past couple of months. Back on Friday with some quick thoughts on my February reading.
Tim
