(True On Average and The Business Bro stand wearily at their podiums. They have not eaten for hours and the stress is taking its toll.
The final portion of our coverage for their debate finds them embroiled in the most controversial topic yet...)
BB: See, the way I see it, only an idiot would order two kinds of meat topping on a pizza.
TOA: Why is that? This place is rubbish. The other toppings are no good. We should make the best of it. Bacon and meatball, I say...
BB: Not a chance. If the options are no good, move on to something else. Let's order Chinese food.
TOA: Chinese food? Are you kidding? If you want Chinese food, get it yourself.
BB: What would the point of that be? I thought we were eating together.
TOA: We can. You get what you want and I'll get a pizza.
BB: That's no good. We save money if we split a pizza. We go our separate ways and we just end up paying more.
TOA: Want to vote on it?
BB: I vote that you keep your word.
TOA: What are you talking about? We agreed on pizza, I want to get pizza.
BB: Whatever, I don't care. I'm losing track of where we are, here. So far only one formal tie, right?
TOA: I think they are all split decisions, actually.
BB: Really? Let's double check the other three, then. Farm animals?
TOA: I'm for it. It's the right thing to do. You can't stick animals in cages to the point where they cannot move.
BB: No kidding. But that's what you say you want, not what you actually do. I'm looking for some consistency here. If people want to pay more for their eggs, let them. Same as anything else.
TOA: So another tie...
BB: Maybe we can find some common ground on #2?
TOA: Charter schools...
BB: Against.
TOA: Right.
BB: It's obvious. You can apply the business argument or the 'choices' argument or the innovation element all you like. They've been around forever. The data is missing or vague. No one is making a case except for stating hypothetical arguments like 'the schools get more money if they lose funding to charters' or 'charter schools are coming up with better solutions for education every day'. Please.
TOA: Well, if you are a twelve year old in some rubbish school district, you have no choices. You are stuck. There need to be alternatives for parents and students. Just because its not ideal does not mean its not worth trying. Kids don't even vote! Its our obligation to vote for their interests.
BB: No, it isn't. And this is just a question of expansion. Voting no doesn't change the setup. And a lot of adults don't vote, either.
TOA: Well, I say expand it. Thirty-three thousand long on the wait list? They can't all be wrong.
BB: So three ties? Is this the election or a World Cup group?
TOA: I only know about the Euros.
BB: Fourth time is the charm, then. Slot machines?
TOA: Definitely not. It helps no poor people, builds no community. Gambling addiction is very real and there is no moral argument to contribute to it.
BB: Well, unemployment is very real too.
TOA: The solution is not to get everyone to sit in one room, ignoring each other while they are focused on touching a screen.
(The Business Bro glances up from the Chinese food menu that he has just pulled up on a laptop.)
BB: Sorry, what?
TOA: Goodness.
BB: Who else is creating jobs around here? And I don't buy that unemployment is down stuff. That's the top of the market. Nothing is lifted from the top, societies included.
TOA: So no, from you?
BB: Yes. No, I mean. Yes, I say no.
TOA: What?
BB: Four ties.
TOA: Got it.
BB: That was productive.
TOA: Yes, very much so.
BB: So what does this mean?
TOA: I guess it means we don't vote.
BB: So we get Chinese food?
TOA: This is different. We need to eat. But with voting, maybe better to hold your tongue in some cases, I guess.
BB: True, I suppose.
TOA: Should we deal with the President?
BB: Good one.
TOA: Why not?
BB: It's Massachusetts. No Democrat has lost since our birth.
TOA: Those stats are meaningless. It probably means a Democrat lost right before our birth.
BB: I don't know about that.
TOA: So if the vote has no impact, you say don't vote? Now who is the one giving away power?
BB: I'll give away zero every time. There's nothing left to give. I don't understand why they even bother to cover the election here.
TOA: Maybe we should skip voting.
BB: Finally, you have a good idea. Why bother, right? We have no idea what to do with the ballot questions. The presidential race is relevant, just not here.
TOA: Something seems off about that.
(There is a brief period of silence.)
TOA: You sure you don't want to talk about the President?
BB: What's there to talk about? The choice is obvious.
TOA: Yeah, definitely...
BB: Right?
TOA: Definitely.
BB: There is no way we could disagree on this one!
TOA: Yeah, I bet you are right.
BB: No, really. This election is going to prove, once and for all, that anyone can become President in this country.
TOA: Yeah, I guess so. We've heard that idea our whole lives.
BB: History is about to be made.
(Another period of silence ensues.)
TOA: OK. Well, I guess we agree on that. Thanks for stopping in. We'll have to do this again.
BB: Again? For what? This went nowhere.
TOA: I was just being polite.
BB: OK, that makes more sense.
TOA: You sure you don't want an eggplant pizza?
BB: Are those cage free eggplants?
TOA: Fine, just go away. I'm hungry.
BB: What's up for the rest of the week?
TOA: Not much. You?
BB: Sabbatical.
TOA: Fun. I got a lot of leftovers to work through. I'll have to sort it out by Friday.
BB: I thought you had no food?
TOA: I meant in terms of posts.
BB: Oh, right. Yeah, I'll read them. Same time as always?
TOA: You got it. Sometime between 5pm and 6pm, Central European Summer time.
BB: Huh?
TOA: That's what France goes by.
BB: Got it.
TOA: OK, well probably a good time in any event to wrap up. Got to go get that next post ready for Monday. Thanks again.
BB: No problem. Until next time.
