'lost in translation'- round one, part two

Note- I published this one on my original blog on March 30, 2016.  The following post is identical to what went up on that day save for some formatting adjustments to the footnotes.

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Hi,

We roll along in round one with the next two matchups.  If you have no clue what this post is all about- I suggest you start here:



March 18- Introduction



March 28- First round, part one (of four)




Hope everyone enjoys.  Back on Friday at the usual time.

Tim



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*saudade / Portuguese noun

A vague, constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, a nostalgic longing for someone or something loved and then lost

--vs--

*tima /Icelandic verb

Not being ready to spend time or money on a specific thing, despite being able to afford it



Breakdown

If we had a #1 seed for this tournament, 'tima' might have been it.  It suggests explanations (at least after the fact) for basic surface differences I have with most people.

I still use the most basic flip phone I can find.  Up until two months ago, I did not have proper internet access in my apartment.  And I don't really do any activities (*).

*Which reminds me of the only new album I've listened to this year (Courtney Barnett's 'Sometimes I Sit and Think, And Sometimes I Just Sit').  Generally, I just think, but sometimes...I sit and think.  In fact, if you are just sitting at the moment, check it out:

Shame that this lovely Portuguese word encountered such a buzzsaw of inaction.

But, to be blunt, 'saudade' had little chance in this tournament.  It expresses a theme that applies to my past year in some ways but  hints more at 'could have been' than 'used to be'.  The word appears inherently directed away from the young- it gets at feelings I might expect to have as I grow older (go ahead and accuse me of match fixing- this tournament could use a good scandal or two).  Right now, mostly anything I desire (or could conceive desiring) are within reach and, generally, within my control as well.

Tima gets to take on the winner of the following in the second quarterfinal without having to provide any additional justification (despite being able to afford to).



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*shlimazel / Yiddish noun

Someone who seems to have nothing but bad luck

--vs--

*komorebi /Japanese noun

The sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees



Breakdown

The toughest first round decision.  Our first Yiddish entrant seems to hint at my last year (and the latter half of it, in particular) while Japanese returns to action with the only word that I remember telling other people about after my first reading of the book.

Let's start with bad luck.  This word immediately brings to mind two events of the past year- my mother's death in July and my job layoff in January.  Not ideal events, either one.  Other trivial little 'bad luck' events occurred in the past year but they are broadly irrelevant alongside those two major events.

I suspect, though, that this word does refer more to the trivial little events of life. For example, missing a concert last May because I made a commitment months before the announcement of the show is the trivial kind of 'bad luck' that might apply better here.  I'm not entirely sure I've grasped the concept here but that is the impression I got from it.

I also considered the distinction between bad luck and bad timing.  Layoffs are never ideal but I think my particular job was sliding from 'providing needed daily stability' toward 'needless emotional crutch' (*) while I tried to sort out some of my own feelings over the past few months.

*Crutches help you get by and protect you from further harm but they don't do the hard work of healing.

Plus- most of us work in order to stop working (aka 'retirement') so a temporary stop of employment (*) is a bit of redistributed retirement, no?  This line of reasoning is in line with a timing concern, not a luck fiasco.

*Just a few days? Just a few weeks?  Just a few months?

All this reasoning, though, brought me no closer to comprehending why I felt komorebi was the better word.  If I cannot explain why I picked one word, did this mean I actually should go with the other?  Was this simply a case of hometown bias- a favoritism shown to a Japanese word at the expense of a deserving opponent (*)- which required some proper honesty on my part to sort out?

*At least 'shlimazel' would understand the bad luck of being knocked out.

A realization came when I reconsidered the comment each word made about its subject.  'Shlimazel' is a label- it states 'this person is having bad luck' and halts any ongoing discussion or debate about alternate explanations.  Instead of choosing to withhold judgment until events fully play out, this word finds victims of misfortune and gives them destinies to fulfill.

'Komorebi' takes an altogether opposite view.  'Komorebi' just states events- in this case, sunlight is filtering through the trees.  That's all.  It makes no remark about the fundamentally beautiful or ugly nature of sunlight's interaction with a tree.

I view this word brightly because I like the sun and I like the way its light filters through leaves.  A person with sunburn prone skin (or perhaps unreliable sunglasses) might take a dimmer view.

The key distinction, I realized over the weekend, was that 'komorebi' leaves interpretation to the viewer.  It does not label an event as negative in the way 'shlimazel' does.

Instead, it sits back and empowers its witnesses to place events into the context of their own choice.  Taking this approach lets people face their clouds, find their own silver linings, and use their so-called 'bad luck' as footing for their next step forward.

So, even though I feel a bit unsure about using the 'luck/timing' technicality and, more importantly, at the risk of being accused of 'hometown bias' for favoring Japanese words, komorebi filters through to the next round.

Quarterfinal matchup #2- tima --vs-- komorebi



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Upcoming bracket

April 4- first round, part three

April 6- first round, part four



April 18

Quarterfinal #1: wabi-sabi --vs-- kabelsalat

Quarterfinal #2: tima --vs-- komorebi



April 20

Quarterfinal #3: to be determined on 4/4

Quarterfinal #4: to be determined on 4/6



May 1

Semifinal #1- to be determined on 4/18

Semifinal #2- to be determined on 4/20



May 10

Final- to be determined on 5/1

'lost in translation' round one, part one

Note- I published this one on my original blog on March 28, 2016.  The following post is identical to what went up on that day save for some formatting adjustments to the footnotes.

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Hi all,

If you have no clue what this post is all about- I suggest you start here.

Back on Wednesday for the second set of first round contests.

Tim

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*warmduscher / German noun

Refers to someone who would only take a warm shower (not an icy cold or burning hot one), implying that they are a bit of a wimp, and unwilling to step outside of their comfort zone

--vs--

*wabi-sabi /

Japanese noun Finding beauty in the imperfections, an acceptance of the cycle of life and death



Breakdown

Two words here that cover almost entirely opposite approaches to life.

Wabi-sabi challenges us to 'roll with the punches'- it approaches the inevitability of change by accepting the limited influence a person plays in the many ups and downs of a full life.  To fully live up to this word, one must find calmness within turmoil and seek serenity through the acceptance that a time span of many decades will inevitably bring both good times and bad.

On the other hand, our German representative shortens the time horizon by focusing on the shower, an event thought of over the time span of seconds and minutes (or hours, if you are bored/dirty).  It uses this daily cleansing ritual to both read into a person's true nature and to build stability around the swirling forces of changes.

Plus- a bonus point for humor, too.

Ultimately, though, the German word brings an undercurrent of non-acceptance.  I can't accept that.  People should treat each other with the value they deserve, no matter where the mercury sits in their bathroom thermometer, or perhaps they should just find more meaningful things to worry about in life than the water temperature of someone else's shower.

Our first head to head matchup of the tournament is a bit of a blowout- 'wabi-sabi' moves on.

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*kabelsalat / German noun

A word to describe a mess of very tangled cables, literally a 'cable salad'

--vs--

*hiraeth / Welsh noun

A homesickness for somewhere you cannot return to, the nostalgia and the grief for the lost places of your past, places that never were



Breakdown

German makes a second appearance in day one with a exasperated yet somewhat optimistic observation of one of life's great mysteries- why do wires always seems to get tangled up?  The hours I have wasted untangling Nintendo controllers from corded snares surely numbers in the hundreds.

And I encounter the same today whenever I shove my headphones into my pocket.  One of these days, this cable-salad with earphone dressing is going to get tangled up with something else and cause real problems.  In fact, I imagine now a scenario where I yank vigorously on this tangled mess which, having also entangled my keys, dislodge my entire capability of opening stuff from my pocket.  With some luck, the keys will land in the Charles River.  I'm sure the geese that shit all over the place stroll about on the river banks will be amused.

The Welsh bring in a more nuanced emotion.  The word reminds me of my first return trip to Japan in the summer of 2008 (*).  I recall the strangest, most unforgettable feeling overcoming me on the day of my arrival.  I was sitting in a train, looking out the window, and realized- I felt like I was home.

*This was fourteen years after moving to America.  The official moving day was March 31, 1994, so the twenty-two year 'anniversary' is just around the corner.

But this emotion did not carry through the six weeks of my visit.  Although there were many wonderful moments throughout the trip, the little proofs that the home I was returning to was not the home I originally left accumulated.

I recall, for instance, the shock of discovering how tiny the apartment I grew up in was.  I also still retain a trace of the disappointment I felt as the streets I navigated in my first six years turned left when my memory confidently asserted they turned right.

I met the mother of my best friend from kindergarten at their home but my friend was not there- he was away at art school.  We spoke on the phone and had a conversation using a technology that could have allowed this to occur at any point in the prior fourteen years.

This word, 'hiraeth'- I think it covers a dangerous idea.  Finding a place to call home is hard enough- trying to hang onto to something that you do not acknowledge as inherently changing conceals the impossibility of such an attempt.

I'm going to steal an idea about what home is all about from the U2 song 'Walk On'.

Home, hard to know what it is if you've never had one

Home, I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home

That's where the hurt is

I think 'home' means knowing the places where you can speak to your pain.  You can continue the process of healing at home by understanding where the hurt is coming from and finding healthy ways of addressing its source.

This can no doubt happen at a specific geographic location filled with particular intimate, inanimate objects.  But these things are intended not to last- stuff wears out or breaks, buildings are bulldozed, rented, bought, and sold. Often, our lives simply move us from one place to the next.

'Home' has to be a place carried with you, and within you.  It becomes a place to recharge in ways that are fulfilling to you.  Home is true to your spirit.

I think the word is dangerous because it distracts us from building such a place within by diverting our attention outward, toward places that might no longer be, to worlds that can no longer be recreated.

'Cable salad' moves on.

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Upcoming bracket

Quarterfinal matchup #1 (4/18): wabi-sabi --vs-- kabelsalat

Quarterfinal matchup #2 (4/18): to be determined on 3/30

Quarterfinal matchup #3 (4/20): to be determined on 4/4

Quarterfinal matchup #4 (4/20): to be determined on 4/6



Semifinal #1 (5/1)- to be determined on 4/18

Semifinal #2 (5/1)- to be determined on 4/20



Final (5/10)- to be determined on 5/1

leftovers- 'born to run'

Note- I published this one on my original blog on March 25, 2016.  The following post is identical to what went up on that day save for some formatting adjustments to the footnotes.

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Hi,

In the course of editing my Born To Run post a couple of weeks ago, I removed some ideas that I decided I wanted to explore in more detail with a separate post (this one!).

They are, in a sense, little editorials.  Although these comments relate to the book, they are not written about explicitly in the text.  Some of it is idle speculation on my part, other parts are opinions.

There are some messy cases of pure emotion- but I think I had no choice.

Enjoy.

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I. When did I first learn to run?

I cannot recall the day I learned 'how to run'.  In fact, I cannot recall ever being taught how to run at all.  This seems strange given that I spent most of my youth on various sports teams- all I can do is state the facts.

These sports all involved running, usually at all times (except swimming). However, I received more instruction in how to properly shoot a basketball- even after I became one of the best shooters in my high school- than I did in running- where I was at best 'industrious' but never objectively fast (or even quick). I received more instruction in how to properly bench press even though the opportunities to power lift at the foul line come few and far between.

Everyone took running technique for granted- apparently, you can't teach height and maybe you shouldn't teach running technique.  When I go out today and watch fellow runners, I see a diversity of technique that would require several blog posts to properly describe.  This observation makes me certain that my experience as a youth was about standard for most kids at that time.

The lack of instruction for proper running technique is not observed among other popular exercise regimens.  Yoga classes, for one, appear to stress the need for correct posture and technique (*).  I would bet that the first five minutes of any weightlifting class involves stressing the need for correct posture and technique (**).

*My guess, since I do not do yoga

**My guess, since I do not lift weights

But I cannot recall anyone I know reporting the results of the 'running lessons' they took before lacing up their sneakers for the first time (*).

*My 'study', as we might call these preceding paragraphs, has a sample size of two.  This whole 'running lessons' bit is a classic application of using absence of evidence as evidence of absence- and this is an application that should never be trusted under any circumstances- so keep in mind that I am still idly speculating here. 

These reflections force additional questions.  First, what do I do today that was influenced by habits created in my developmental period?  How thorough was I with my thought process during this developmental period?  What else do I do today as a result of being entirely reliant on those around me to set examples or give me direction when I am unsure how to proceed?

Born To Run was a great gift.  It delivered a harsh message- imitate thoughtfully- but delivered it in a considerate way- without the sting that often accompanies the discovery that you were always doing something wrong.

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II. Everyone walks the same way and everyone sprints the same way- so how do you know where to draw the line?

When it comes to our slowest and fastest forms of bipedal movement- walking and sprinting- most people seem to share identical techniques.  Walking involves the heel striking the ground first with arms hanging loosely to the side, sprinting involves striking the ground first with the front portion of the foot while the arms pump vigorously.

In terms of speed, jogging falls somewhere between sprinting and walking.  I recall considering that the only logical thing way to jog would entail either a fast walk (heel strike) or a slow sprint (forefoot strike).

In other words, I just simply had to decide if I was a slow sprinter or a fast walker. All the other 'noise' of the running technique conversation was irrelevant after that point.

My conclusion- sprinters all tend to be very fit, therefore I should take my chances and go with the 'slow sprint'.  Not much of a deliberation process, I suppose, but it has a certain logic to it.

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III. So this running technique is my opinion because...

My fear while writing the first Born To Run post was accidentally stating what I thought the 'right' technique for long distance running might be.  There is a lot of conflicting evidence out there and I wanted to focus on the facts- what happened in the book and how it changed my running.  Taking a stance on what 'correct' technique fell outside the scope of that post (*).

*Plenty of people lead very fulfilling running lives using one technique or the other and I find it highly unlikely that there is a universal 'best' technique for everybody- like with many things, each person will need to find the technique that works best for their body and running goals.

All that said, if I could go back and undo my decision to switch my running technique back in the autumn of 2011- there is no way I would do so.  If I was offered a blank check to switch back to my old technique, I would turn it down (*).

*Probably.

There are a couple of reasons for this.  First, I have a lot of fun running.  I enjoy each stride in the run and literally look forward to each upcoming step of the journey.  This became true only after I changed up my running technique.  Running itself up until then was fine but sometimes it was miserable, too- maybe my heel would hurt or I would slip and fall in bad weather conditions.  These issues, among other little ailments, went away after I changed up my technique.

Some people (non-runners) ask me about 'runner's high'- what's it like, I'm asked.  And I have no clue because I've forgotten- I don't think I get runner's high anymore.

From what I remember, runner's high happens at some point during a run.  But what happens for me usually starts in the first minute- the sensation of landing feels good on my feet and I maintain that feeling for more or less the duration of the run.

I might occasionally laugh out loud while running.  This used to happen but only if I was listening to a funny podcast- now it just happens.  I don't bother with podcasts anymore- I usually listen to music and try to sing aloud (*).

*In addition to being more fun, it also helps keep track of my pace- if keeping up with the lyrics leaves me out of breath, it is usually a good sign I am running too fast.

Before I read Born To Run, you could say I enjoyed the 'pageantry' of running more than I did the actual activity.  I liked what running said about me more than I liked actually running.  I looked at outcomes to derive the worth of this activity.  I enjoying tallying up the miles, considering myself 'a runner', and talking to people about my training regimen more than I ever enjoyed the time I spent on a run.

Now, saying I no longer enjoy these 'outcomes' is untrue.  But I find that I almost never raise the topics in conversation.  People tend to find out from third parties that I run for several hours per week.  I almost never run to meet some time objective or mileage goal- I just run while I enjoy it and stop running when this is no longer the case.  I rarely talk about my training regimen because I am no longer training for anything (*).

*On the other hand, since I am blogging about all this stuff, I suppose it might be the case that this entire paragraph is now moot.  Oh well- at least this was all true an hour ago.

I feel this is the right technique for me and I suspect that many would see an improvement  in their running experience if they made a similar switch. This is not based on logic in the scientific sense (although there are plenty of logical arguments for it, many covered by the book in expert detail).  My conviction is pure emotion with a splash of personal experience.

But to say this technique would be best means defining 'best'.  For many, myself included, the best technique is one that allows them to reach their goals while leaving them injury-free.  I guess it begs the question- what's my injury history?

III (pt 2)- Injury history

Sometimes, I think it is important to state the facts.

The facts show that I switched up my running technique in the fall of 2011.  I have suffered two major running injuries since the fall of 2011.  This is two more major running injuries than I suffered prior to the fall of 2011.

I'm living in denial of the facts, it seems.

The first injury came in October 2012 and I am 95% confident that it was an IT band overuse injury.  The second one came in the second half of March, 2015, and seems in hindsight to be an overuse injury that manifested in a strained (or exhausted) muscle on the outside of my right shin.  Both injuries kept me from running at all for four weeks and greatly reduced my mileage for several months afterward (*).

*Simply put, overuse means running too much.

My simplified, non-technical explanation for overuse injuries is: I suspect overuse injuries originate when a strength takes on too much of the extra burden that a weakness is unable to tolerate.

I can look back and explain how my injuries came about using that general framework.  Let's start with the 2012 injury- in short, my left hip proved too weak to support my running.  The strain increased on the surrounding areas- knee, hamstring, etc- and eventually caused an injury. The pain manifested in my left knee but the source was a lack of strength in the left hip.

Although pain from an overuse injury can manifest anywhere and can be alleviated by directly treating the symptoms, the injury is not properly healed until the weaker body part can sustain its share of the burden without help from neighboring body parts. It is like having a headache from dehydration (*)- painkillers will help the headache but nothing is actually healed until you drink a little bit of water.

*'A hangover'

I am almost entirely sure I understand the root physical cause of this injury and feel very sure that my current strength training regimen combined with better restraint on mileage increases is preventing recurrence of this type of injury (*).

*I'm almost sure of this because this injury did not respond to rest.  Instead, I would feel better, then the injury would flare up a few weeks later (and bring me back to step one in my recovery).  It was only until I began strength exercises specifically targeting this hip did I notice recovery through improved running performance. 

The big breakthrough came when I sprained my right ankle in early 2014.  I did more rehab work on that injury than I ever did for the hip.  These exercises generally involved balancing on the injured ankle and doing a variety of exercises- standing straight up on my toes, walking slowly (also on my toes), bouncing on two feet (still on the toes!) in a swimming pool. 

Over time, I increased the burden and intensity of the rehab- jumping straight up and down on my toes, hopping on the injured ankle, sprinting in the swimming pool- and found that, although grueling, the ankle healed as strong as it was prior to the injury.  I began to do the same with the hip- reverse planks, single-leg dead lifts, wall squats- and, slowly, I am starting to see results.

So, having accumulated all this advanced sports injury knowledge, how did I manage to  have a second overuse injury in March 2015?

The question brings me to my second reason for no longer entertaining a return to my old technique- I've really come to rely on running to get me through difficult times.  Prior to the fall of 2011, this was not the case- maybe I did something else back then, but I like running quite a bit more.

This injury came at a time of great emotional turmoil for me. The pain in my leg showed up just days after my mom was admitted to the hospital.  The symptoms hinted at possible complications from her breast cancer invading her new organs.

This inner turmoil caused harm in ways that strongly parallel the overuse concept I describe above.  In my case, I simply did not have the emotional capacity to handle the events in my life.  Running became a sanctuary for me because I could use the activity as a crutch to help me get through difficult days.  So, to make the connection, I relied on the strength of my running ability to help carry the extra burden that I was emotionally unable to bear.

Unfortunately, adding extra miles eventually proved too much to handle physically. In the same way that my overburdened hip led to my left knee eventually giving out in 2012, it seems that my body gave out in March 2015 from being asked to carry too much of the excess emotional burden.

So, in the same way that targeting my left hip for strength training was the required step to prevent further recurrences of that injury, I have spent quite some time in the past year considering what the equivalent targeting must be in order to prevent a recurrence of...who knows what to call it- emotional over running?- to deal with the inevitable hardships and turmoil that I will encounter in my remaining centuries decades of life.

Many have suggested to me that emotional injuries heal over time.  Although I have never doubted the best intentions of these comments for a single second and understand that this wisdom being shared with me is the hard-earned kind that grows from each person's own unique experiences, I am ready to conclude that this particular piece of wisdom will not work for me. It's been long enough to conclude that it isn't working for me.  I suppose I could wait a little longer but my sense is that I need something else to complete the process.

The first injury provides a clue to what might be missing.  This injury required targeted rehabilitation of my hip and the surrounding muscles.  Without doing this, I was doomed to see the injury return because nothing fundamentally was different about my running process or the body involved in that process.  To put it differently, without an underlying improvement in hip strength, I was always going to reach a point where increased mileage would prove too much for the hip.  Eventually, a new overuse injury would expose the underlying weakness in the hip.

This logic suggests that I need to target my soul to strengthen it in preparation of bearing burdens to come.  A resilient soul should allow running to serve its role as part of a healthy emotional solution, not as an overworked component of a fragmented solution which ultimately proved destructive last March.

But how does one fortify the heart, how does one bolster the soul- and in a way that accepts hurt?  What I worried about most was the possibility that this process, done carelessly, ran the risk of turning my heart into something like a solid rock- unbreakable, but only because it deflects, ignores, or repels.

I was looking for something different to help craft an approach and found compelling concepts from two books that I have read in the past year.

First, a striking analogy from How To Love, by Thich Nhat Hanh.  It describes how a handful of salt poured into a cup of water will ruin the drink- however, the same salt poured into a clear lake will make the water no less drinkable.

The analogy is clear- the trials and challenges that we all face are the salt, our capacity to bear hurt in our hearts represented by the water- the bigger the heart, the better equipped it is to accept the challenges.  It requires us all to try and expand our hearts in the best ways we can so that the salt thrown at us is absorbed without tainting what lies within.

Expanding the heart can be done in so many ways- expressing your love for others, pouring all of yourself into a project that matters to you, giving selflessly to those needing generosity.

A second idea I really like is what Cheryl Strayed gets at a little bit in Tiny Beautiful Things complements the idea by showing one possibility of what can be done within an expanded heart.  She says that to heal, we must rebuild.

It takes many small steps to do this. We must first address the ruins, the rubble, of what once stood.  It must be acknowledge that what existed was valuable, was important, to prepare us for the impossible undertaking of clearing it out.  Until we do this, we cannot begin the real work of healing- building again, maybe even on top of the same sites where we were just obliterated.

We need beautiful places in our hearts, places that stand like temples and cathedrals, to honor what is eternally important to us.  They give our treasured memories a home and provide a platform from which we can reach out to what will stretch our souls next.  These places allow us to talk to our pain when we begin to heal, rest comfortably when we need to recover, and identify the very best to share when we wish to reminisce.

III (pt 3)- So, injuries history?

I suppose the above is all moot, in one sense, if I separated my running from the rest of my life.  Compartmentalizing is a healthy short-term approach in the right circumstances (an idea I intend to write more about next month).  The body breaks when physical limits are exceeded- understanding how salt interacts with a lake is not going to change that (*).

*And asking your physician to help you pour concrete into your heart so you can set a foundation for a temple is going to be met with, at best, quizzical looks.

That said, I always feel at my best when I am fully involved in each minute of my life.  There is nothing wrong with taking a part of your personality and hanging it on the coat rack, so to speak, when you make a daily transition from one part of your life to another, but I find that this experience wears me down over time.

This is why I am not considering the other obvious approach- to admit defeat in the face of injury by scaling back on intensity or mileage.  To do so would be to permanently put what has become part of me away somewhere, not be heard from again, and it is not the right time to do this.

There is no better feeling than being true to yourself.  For me to live up to this ideal, I think I do need to be able to stomp around for a couple of extra miles to recharge after a tough day- that means I need to do some soul-stretching work, too.  I need to do it because the next time I am not dealing properly with something, I know I'll turn to my running shoes, and I have no interest in repeating the same overuse injury for a second time.

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Hi again,

Thanks as always for reading.  Quick reminder that I'll be back on Monday next week, not Tuesday, and that the Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule will hold up for the month of April.  The next two posts will be about Lost In Translation and the words I liked from it.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Tim